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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24757222">Enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingBehindAGlassWall/pseuds/HidingBehindAGlassWall'>HidingBehindAGlassWall</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Riverdale (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Broken Toni Topaz, Comforting Cheryl Blossom, F/F, Hurt Toni Topaz, Hurt/Comfort, It’s also kinda heavy, Mention of abuse, Mention of alcohol, Mention of drugs and overdose, Protective Cheryl Blossom, Toni Topaz Needs a Hug, Toni has a lot of doubts and insecurities, Vulnerable Toni Topaz, this is kinda long sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:21:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,332</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24757222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HidingBehindAGlassWall/pseuds/HidingBehindAGlassWall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Toni Topaz is tough’, ‘Toni’s the strongest person I’ve met’, ‘She may be small but she’s a force to be reckoned with’. </p><p>These are things that people often say about Toni Topaz. Things that Toni herself is all too aware of, she knows her reputation as the tough, cool, gang member that people don’t mess with. She knows that people think she’s this strong girl with a hard exterior, and they’re right. </p><p>Partially.<br/>————<br/>Toni is riddled with insecurities and anxieties, and all it takes is one failed test to break the barrier and it all comes flooding out. Maybe she’ll finally let Cheryl in and allow her to see what’s behind the mask of the girl she loves.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>94</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi :) So I had this rattling round my head, it’s long I’m warning you now. There is mention of abuse, alcohol and drugs/overdose, just a heads up on that but it’s nothing major just a couple of comments. </p><p>Toni is always perceived as the tough, strong girl, but what if underneath it all, she’s just as broken as everyone else?</p><p>Twitter: @TheNigelTopaz</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
‘Toni Topaz is tough’, ‘Toni’s the strongest person I’ve met’, ‘She may be small but she’s a force to be reckoned with’, ‘If you get in a fight with Toni you’re going to lose, both verbally and physically’, ‘Toni, isn’t she the girl from the gang?’ </p><p>These are things that people often say about Toni Topaz. Things that Toni herself is all too aware of, she knows her reputation as the tough, cool, gang member that people don’t mess with. She knows that people think she’s this strong girl with a hard exterior, and they’re right. </p><p>Partially. </p><p>You see Toni Topaz is all of those things, but she’s also someone who has been moulded by their surroundings and circumstances. Someone who puts out a projection of who she wants people to see her as, and not as she truly is. Everyone thinks they know who Toni is, but the truth is, no one does. Because Toni Topaz is a girl who only exists in other people’s opinions of her, she’s a girl who’s reputation precedes her, who people who have never met her likely already have an opinion on her, and it’s an opinion based entirely on what Toni wants people to see. </p><p>Because underneath that hard exterior, Toni Topaz is damaged. </p><p>Yes, Toni Topaz is strong and tough, she’s a fighter, but she’s also riddled with doubt and insecurities, she suffers greatly from anxiety and all the problems that brings. She’s a girl that has walls higher and thicker than anyone could ever imagine. </p><p>What Toni Topaz is, more than anything, is misunderstood. </p><p>Most days it’s easy for her to shove her emotions and thoughts deep inside her mind. Most days she can function and put her mask on and not a single person would realise it, not even Cheryl - a master of masks in her own right- has even an inkling of what lies under the surface of the girl she loves. Most days Toni doesn’t have a problem with getting through the day, with pretending that everything is fine and her world hasn’t fallen apart around her and she’s still desperately trying to put the pieces back together despite the fact half of them went missing a long time ago. Most days Toni can even convince herself that everything is fine, that she can deal with it all. That she can push those thoughts and insecurities down inside her and tape up the cracks where her doubts seep in and pretend not to hear the words her brain chews up and spits out. She can pretend that her mind doesn’t create thoughts based on her worst fears and uses them to stamp all over her. At least, most days, that’s all something she’s capable of doing without blinking an eye. </p><p>The thing about the word ‘most’ is that it isn’t ‘all’. </p><p>So whilst most days Toni Topaz can function and hold her mask in place behind her steel walls, some days, that mask slips. Some days the tape doesn’t hold the cracks together. Some days she can’t block out the hate that her brain spews towards her. Some days her doubts and insecurities don’t just seep in, but instead come flooding through her soaking every corner of her being. Some days her anxiety takes over her mind and she has no control over thoughts created by her own brain that cripple her with even her deepest of fears and insecurities. </p><p>Today is one of those days. </p><p>She felt it building, she always does. The pressure slowly rising within her, her brain bursting at the seems with intrusive thoughts, wanting nothing more than to tear herself apart, her deepest insecurities clawing their way out of her. Toni knows that there’s nothing she can do to stop it, there’s no switching her brain off or putting it on mute. She knows that when she feels it building, what she’s feeling is her mind concocting all sorts of hate ready to spew at her when the dam breaks. </p><p>So when Toni wakes up Thursday morning she is well aware of what she’s feeling. She is all too well acquainted with the smothering feeling in her brain, the way her heart pounds in her chest and how she’s suddenly hyper-aware of everything. Every sound, every movement, every touch. Toni knows that overnight the pressure building within her has reached its spilling point, and she knows that any moment now her mask could slip. Toni knows that she is about to have to use every ounce of her energy to hide what’s going on within her, that no matter how exhausting it will be to push away each thought before they settle in, to reinforce her walls as best she can, so that no one gets even a hint of what’s going on underneath the surface. </p><p>Toni is all too aware of the girl lying next to her. This girl who, even now after their years of being together, still has no idea of Toni’s suffering. Toni doesn’t like to dwell on her past. She’s barely told Cheryl anything, and sometimes it makes her feel guilty, perhaps she should, doesn’t Cheryl deserve to know, after all she’s been through, after the things she’s revealed to Toni, doesn’t she deserve the same in return? 
She’s barely told Cheryl anything other than need-to-know because she’s terrified. Because what if? What if the things her brain says, the things that her past has lead her to believe, what if they’re true? What if she tells Cheryl everything and it only confirms the thoughts she buries deep inside herself? What if her brain is right? </p><p>Cheryl stirs beside her and Toni blinks away tears she wasn’t even aware were forming. She tries her best to push the pounding inside her away and do whatever it takes to get her through today. Toni knows it’s going to be tough, that by the time she falls back in this bed tonight she’ll be exhausted from the effort of it all, from trying to maintain the facade on the outside whilst at war with herself on the inside. </p><p>Toni feels Cheryl move beside her, reaching out to turn off an alarm Toni wasn’t even aware was blaring. She shakes her head slightly, willing her brain to snap into focus, when it doesn’t she instead turns her focus to Cheryl, pouring her energy into concentrating on her girl, clinging to whatever she can to ground herself. “Good morning TT,” Cheryl reaches out a pale hand and caresses a caramel cheek, “how did you sleep?” Toni’s eyes meet Cheryl, desperately hoping that she won’t realise anything is wrong, “I slept okay babe, you?” </p><p>“I slept well my love, thank you. Although we should definitely be getting up otherwise we’ll be late for school.” </p><p>Toni nods and moves to get out of bed, pressing a kiss to Cheryls cheek before she does, relishing in the feel of soft skin beneath her lips. They both go through their morning routines, they’ve lived together long enough that the way they move around each other is second nature. Toni takes a bit longer than usual in the shower, hoping the the warm water falling over her skin will do something to wash away her feelings, carrying them down the plug hole and far away. For a while it works, her focus solely on the feeling of warmth from the water and the feeling of the droplets running down her body, but she knows she can’t stay under the water forever, turning the shower off and grabbing her towel, she dries herself off before continuing on with her morning routine. </p><p>Cheryl talks about varying things, a paper due the next day and how she’s excited for Vixens practice that night as she has a new section of choreography for them to learn. Toni allows herself to focus on Cheryls voice, the warmth in her tone, the way it changes slightly depending on who she’s talking about. “Everything okay TT? You’ve been quieter than usual this morning.” Toni hadn’t realised that Cheryl had stopped from where she was doing her make up in the mirror, looking over towards Toni with concern. “I’m okay Cher, I’m just tired,” it’s not a complete lie Toni tells herself, she is tired, she’s exhausted of dealing with her brain and the deep rooted issues she has thanks to her past. Cheryl waits for a second, her eyes baring into Toni’s before she continues applying her signature red lip, “Okay my love, if you’re sure.” They head out to Cheryls car after grabbing some breakfast, although Toni can barely stomach anything, and head off to school. </p><p>The car ride is quiet, music plays quietly from the radio and Toni’s hand held in Cheryls, only breaking contact when she needed to change gear, Toni using all her focus to use their contact to ground herself. She was doing okay at keeping the thoughts at bay, she was well versed in fighting her inner wars alone and so far she was managing. They arrive at school and, as always, head to each of their lockers, Cheryls first and then Toni’s, before sharing a quick kiss and heading their separate ways to class. </p><p>The morning passes relatively quickly for Toni, she manages to keep her emotions in check, making it to lunch without too much of an issue. Heading into the cafeteria she sees the usual group, and knowing her anxiety will only make her nauseous if she tries to eat, she grabs some juice and heads over to them, taking her usual seat between Cheryl and Veronica, pressing a kiss to Cheryls’ cheek as she sits, “hey babe, I missed you.” Cheryl makes note of Toni’s lunch, rather her lack of it, “hey yourself, no lunch today TT, everything okay?” Hearing Cheryls’ question, the group all look to Toni, wanting to make sure their friend was okay, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the pink haired girl who realised she needed an excuse “I’m fine guys, I’m just feeling a bit under the weather is all.” Seemingly buying it Cheryl places her hand on her girlfriends thigh comfortingly whilst Veronica turns to Toni, “are you sure Toni, do you need to go to the nurse?” Not wanting to make a big deal out of it Toni sips her juice, “I’m fine honestly guys, thank you though. What were you talking about?” </p><p>Jughead launches into his most recent discovery regarding his and Betty’s current sleuthing, but as much as she tries to listen in, Toni’s thoughts begin to wander. Her leg begins to bounce up and down, a habit from her nervous energy, and it’s something that doesn’t go unnoticed by Sweet Pea who narrows his eyes at her across the table. Time passes quickly as Toni gets lost in her mind, but she’s soon broken out of her thoughts by the sound of the warning bell, signalling the end of lunch and 10 minutes before her next class. The group all collect their things and head their respective ways, however Sweet Pea chases after Toni as she heads to her Maths class, “T wait,” he reaches her soon enough, falling into step beside her, “I just wanted to check you were actually okay, I know you said you were feeling sick but I know you T, what’s going on?” Being like brothers to her, Sweet Pea and Fangs were the only two who knew of Toni’s past and the thoughts that plagued her, although they may not have known everything Toni knew she could be more honest with him, “I’m fine Sweets, I’m just having a bad day that’s all.” Sweet Pea glanced down at the girl he considered to be his sister, “okay well I know you don’t like talking about stuff but I’m always here if you need me, have you spoken to Cheryl about any of this yet?” Sweet Pea knew that Toni was apprehensive to talk about the things that plagued her mind, but he also knew that the love Cheryl had for the girl was special and no matter what she would be there for Toni. “No I haven’t, not yet,” Toni sighed, “it’s just hard you know, but I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Don’t do that T,” Sweet Pea said softly, “don’t do that thing where you shut everyone out and think you have to deal with everything alone, because you don’t, not anymore. And you know Cheryl, you know she’s always gonna have your back.” </p><p>“I know Pea, it’s just hard, look I have to get to class but I’ll see you later.” Sweet Pea let her go, knowing that Toni was riddled with doubt and insecurities, but also knowing that unless she was ready, she wasn’t going to reveal them. </p><p>Toni walked into her maths class and took her seat, her conversation with Sweet Pea playing on her mind. Toni knew she could talk to her girlfriend about anything, but she had spent so many years pushing her feelings deep down and doing her best to fight her battles alone, she wasn’t sure how to go about letting someone in. How could she explain her thoughts to someone when she barely understood half of them herself, how was she supposed to put everything into words, how was she supposed to ignore the part of her brain that tells her that she’s right to have her doubts, that the things she thinks about herself are true? Her maths class went on but Toni was stuck in her thoughts, only snapping out of them as a paper was slid on her desk, she checked the time on her phone, 5 minutes until the end of class. </p><p>Toni tucked her phone back in her pocket as her brain registered what it was that had been placed on her desk. Last weeks calculus test stared back at her, a red F marked in the corner. Toni’s eyes filled with tears, an F? This wasn’t her, she was supposed to be better than this. Her 4.0 grade was hard earned, and whilst Toni struggled with maths, she always made sure to spend extra time on it, she’d worked so hard preparing for this test, how had she gotten a F? Toni’s brain went into overdrive, the negative thoughts she’d been working so hard to keep at bay came flooding through, and the dam within her burst. She was supposed to be better than this, she worked so hard to get the best grades she could with the hope that she could finally get away from this town and do better, be better, how was she going to do that with grades like that? Toni’s upbringing had always been a huge point of insecurity for her, she was well aware of the stereotypes that followed the Southside, most of them had followed her around for years, they felt like weights dragging her down no matter how hard she tried to claw herself up. </p><p>Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks as she registered her name being called by her teacher as the bell rang. Toni grabbed her things and headed over to the desk, “Toni I know you have a hard time with some of this stuff, but I have to say I wasn’t expecting this from you,” Toni’s teacher Mr  Simmons spoke to her gently. Toni was one of his most hard working students and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t have a soft spot for her for it, he knew Toni wanted more for herself and it made him proud to see her working hard to get it, so handing her a test with a score like this, he knew it would get to her. “I don’t know,” Toni started, trying to keep her emotions forced in long enough to get out of this classroom and find a somewhat safe space for her impending breakdown, “I tried really hard, I studied, I thought I was going to do okay, I know I struggle sometimes but.” </p><p>“It’s okay Toni,” Mr Simmons cut her off, “I know you work hard, and this test doesn’t count to your grade so don’t stress yourself out too much, I’ll let you go but please if you need any extra help or anything please just ask,” Toni swallowed, her resolve breaking, “I will do, thank you.” </p><p>Toni turned and fled, desperate to find somewhere to hide, she entered the Vixens locker room, knowing that no one would be in here until practice after school. </p><p>Toni dropped her bag on the floor and slid down the lockers, ending up sat on the floor with her knees up to her chest as tears streamed down her cheeks. Stupid she thought, how could you have been so stupid, you’re supposed to do better than this. You’re supposed to be better than this. </p><p>Toni’s anxiety and insecurities hit her full force, the weight of everything coming crashing down on her as her tears turned into sobs. Her brain ridiculed her, turning her insecurities of her upbringing, or lack there of, and her past into negative thoughts that crippled her. How was she supposed to make anything of herself if she couldn’t even pass a stupid maths test? She was no better than the stereotypes that followed her around, her Uncle was right, she wasn’t going to amount to anything. She was going to be stuck here forever, Southside scum is all she’d ever be, with no hope for a better future. She wanted so desperately to get out of this town and make a life for herself but her brain and insecurities had Toni convinced that was all over now. </p><p>Toni’s mind swirled, none of her thoughts were cohesive and at this point she knew deep down she was being irrational, one failed test that didn’t even count towards her grade didn’t mean her life was over, but to Toni, in that moment, it symbolised every bad thought she had about herself. Why wasn’t she ever enough? Not enough for her parents to get clean for, not enough for her Uncle to look after properly, not enough to be considered to lead the Serpents. Toni’s mind turned to Cheryl, the girl she loved so much, but Toni’s brain had convinced her that she would never be enough for her, she’d never be enough for the girl that deserved the world. Toni’s sobs echoed around the changing room, the distraught girl unable to keep the pain inside any longer.</p><p>Her head throbbed and her chest heaved, she could feel her heart physically ache. Toni just wanted to be enough, why wasn’t she ever enough? She’d grown up constantly being left by those she loved, they always chose something else. Her parents chose drugs over their own daughter, 11 year old Toni coming home to find her mom overdosed in the family bathroom, her dad being arrested and jailed for possession not even six months later. Toni’s Aunt didn’t even offer to take her in, not wanting another mouth to feed, leaving her with her Uncle who berated her and disregarded her every chance he got, not to mention the verbal and physical abuse he put her through. FP chose Jughead to lead the Serpents, despite knowing that Toni was the rightful one to take the crown, he chose his son who had been a Serpent for a few months over her, who had worn that jacket proudly for years, a Serpent by blood and legacy, and now she wasn’t even wanted as a part of that family anymore. Toni’s head reeled, it was only a matter of time before Cheryl chose someone better, that’s all Toni knew,  having everything she cared about ripped away from her and being kicked to the curb the second there was another option. </p><p>Through her sobs Toni heard her phone ringing but she didn’t move an inch, whoever it was would leave a message if they wanted her, besides she was too far gone to even consider having a conversation with anyone right now. Toni’s head fell forward resting on the tops of her knees, curling in on herself and somehow becoming even smaller, it was as if with every insecurity and fear Toni’s mind berated her with the smaller she became. Her thoughts swirled as her tears continued, running down her cheeks and dropping onto the material of her shirt. </p><p>

————

</p><p>Cheryl had been scouring the school ever since she’d hung up the phone from Veronica. She’d been on her way to English when her phone had rung, Veronica calling her to inform her she’d just seen Toni heading down the corridor looking absolutely devastated, and Cheryl had been searching for her love ever since. The first place she’d checked was the bleachers, knowing Toni would always go there when she needed to be alone during school, however upon finding them empty Cheryl had been searching empty classrooms and varying girls toilets ever since. She was apprehensive to ask anyone from the group if they’d seen her, not wanting to bring anyone else in on what she was certain Toni would want to keep private, although she was running out of options. Cheryl was heading into the gym when she heard it, the sound of someone crying from inside the locker room. Knowing that there was a high chance that she had found her love, Cheryl gently pushed open the door and stepped inside, not wanting to startle the girl, however the second she laid eyes on Toni she gasped and her heart broke. Toni was sat on the floor, her back to the lockers, her head in her arms, and she was sobbing, hard. Not wanting to scare her but also wanting to make her presence known, Cheryl stepped further into the locker room towards her, dropping her bag on the floor beside Toni’s and gently whispering “TT?” </p><p>Whilst the girl in question had heard the door open and a gasp, but she hadn’t had it in her to look up, she knew whoever it was had seen her but she wasn’t ready to have to explain herself. The second she heard Cheryls voice however, she sucked in a breath. Cheryl stepped closer towards her girl, wanting nothing more than to run over and scoop her up in her arms but knowing it would scare the fragile girl off. “TT, baby, it’s me, it’s Cheryl,” she inched further towards the broken girl on the floor, “I’m not gonna come any closer okay, I’m just gonna sit down here and then when you’re ready if you want to we can talk.” Cheryl sat down cross legged on the floor a few feet away from Toni, pulling out her phone, she sent a message to Veronica immediately cancelling Vixens practice, and also responding to her concerned message asking after Toni, saying she’d found her and whilst she wasn’t okay at the moment, hopefully Cheryl could fix whatever was happening. </p><p>Cheryl placed her phone on silent, not wanting any future messages to interrupt any conversation about to be had and put it in her jacket pocket. Toni was still crying and Cheryls heart was aching at seeing the girl she loved in so much pain. Toni’s mind was still filled with cruelty from her own brain, and she was desperately yearning for some security, something to hold onto and try and pull her out of her thoughts. Cheryl spoke again, not wanting to push the fragile girl but knowing she needed to step in, she spoke gently, putting as much of a soothing tone in her voice as she could, “Toni my love, please, what’s going on, talk to me, what happened?”</p><p>Toni’s brain seemed to register Cheryls voice and she lifted her head, her eyes settling on her girlfriend sat across from her, her face riddled with concern. “C-Cher?” Cheryls heart ached for Toni, the pain and devastation in her eyes was clear but Cheryl had no understanding of why, what had happened to cause Toni to feel like this, to be sobbing alone in the locker room? “Yeah baby it’s me, what’s happening, talk to me.”</p><p> It was as if Toni’s brain finally caught up with what her eyes were seeing and she scrambled towards Cheryl, landing sat in her lap, her legs straddling Cheryls waist as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pressed her face into Cheryls neck. Cheryl instantly wrapped her arms around Toni, one arm around her waist and one around her upper back, her hand holding the back of Toni’s head, not dissimilar to the way you’d cradle a child. Toni cried hard, finally being wrapped up in Cheryls arms but feeling like she didn’t deserve it at the exact same time. Knowing that Toni wasn’t stopping anytime soon, Cheryl just held her tightly into her body, humming gently and swaying them slightly, hoping the rocking motion would help calm Toni. “C-Cher I, I can’t breathe” Toni’s voice heaved, her breath coming out in short gasps. “Yes you can sweetheart, just try and take deeper breaths and follow my chest,” Cheryl deliberately accentuated her breathing, hoping Toni would feel her breath and be able to try and follow it. Cheryl rubbed her hand up and down Toni’s back in time with the rise and fall of her chest, as Toni gasped and struggled but tried to follow the pattern of Cheryls breathing, after a while Toni’s breath began to slow and deepen, returning to a more normal state. </p><p>Cheryl waited a bit longer, knowing that Toni was extremely delicate right now, she ran her fingers through pink locks and spoke softly, “talk to me my love, what’s going on?” Toni paused for a moment, before letting out a shaky sigh, sitting back slightly and moving her head away from Cheryls neck but refraining from making eye contact. “I-,” she started, nervous energy radiating off her, unsure of what to say or how to delve into everything going on in her mind, “I don’t know how to explain it.” Cheryl wipes her thumb gently across Toni’s cheeks, brushing away her tears but also wanting to provide her with some extra comfort, “well that’s okay, sometimes it’s hard to talk about things, just start with something simpler and we’ll go from there.” </p><p>Toni shifted her legs to sit sideways in Cheryls lap her head resting on her shoulder, as Cheryl turned them slightly, allowing her to lean back against the lockers and better support Toni’s body weight. “I- I failed the math test from last week,” Toni’s voice was quiet but it echoed around the changing room. Whilst Cheryl knew that there was more to the story than a failed test, she wanted Toni to know she was listening, “well that’s okay TT, I know that’s upsetting but I also know you find calculus particularly difficult but I’m sure that’s nothing that a bit more studying can’t fix, and you know I’ll help you anytime.” Cheryls hand moved to run through Toni’s hair, giving her something to focus on.  </p><p>“It’s... it’s not about the test, not really,” Toni whispered, “Oh? What’s it about TT?” Toni found a lose thread on Cheryls jumper and began playing with it, needing something to centre her mind on. “I have, I have these things, these thoughts in my head, insecurities and anxieties and I’ve been holding them in for a while now, but that test,” Toni let out a sigh, “it was like it symbolised all of them, and it was just too much.” Toni’s tears had begun quietly steaming down her cheeks, Cheryl lifting her hand to wipe them away, “oh my love, what kind of things, can I help?” </p><p>Toni sucked in a breath, knowing that this was it, this was the fight or flight moment she had been avoiding for a long time, this was the moment she would voice all her fears and hope that somehow, maybe they were wrong. “I’m scared Cher, I’m scared that if I say them that makes them true, I’ve been dealing with them alone for so long now, but what if me saying them, what if me telling someone else, what if that makes them real?” Cheryls heart broke for Toni, she knew that the smaller girl had had a less than loving upbringing, and that more often than not she found herself having to look after herself, even at a young age. “Oh Toni, I know you’ve had to go through so much by yourself, and I’m so sorry that you did, but you have me now and I promise that I have your back, and my love, voicing something doesn’t make it true or real, it just means you’re saying it out loud and hopefully if it’s something that’s getting to you I can help somehow.” </p><p>Toni shifted, moving to sit up a bit so she could look into Cheryls eyes, searching for any hint of untruthfulness within them, finding nothing but sincerity, Toni sighes and closed her eyes. “My- my brain, sometimes it tells me things, it creates thoughts and plays on my fears and insecurities. It takes my anxieties and turns them into things to use against me, and I guess, me failing that test, it was, it was as if it was proof of them you know? It was like it was proof that what my brain tells me is right, that I am those things.” Toni opened her eyes, but looked down, watching her fingers that were still fiddling with the thread on Cheryls jumper. “Oh Toni I’m so sorry, I wish I’d known so I could have helped some how, what kind of things does your brain say?” 
Toni’s eyes flitted to look at Cheryl, and then back down to her hands, “I, it,” Toni sighs and leans her head back down to rest on Cheryls shoulder, “it tells me I’m not enough,” Cheryls eyes widen, and her hand stops its movements, “Oh Toni, darling, that’s not true in the slightest, you are enough, you’re absolutely enough.” </p><p>Toni closes her eyes, tears spilling out of them, she can feel a physical ache in her chest, as if her heart is physically feeling her emotional pain. It was if her heart was aching, hearing Cheryl say the words she’d desperately been yearning to hear for so long, in the hopes that if someone else though it, maybe it was true.</p><p>“Except it is true Cher, I’m not enough. I wasn’t enough to pass the test, I wasn’t enough to take over the Serpents, I wasn’t enough for Jughead to let me stay, I wasn’t enough for my Uncle to sober up and treat me right, I wasn’t enough for my parents to get clean for...” Toni trails off as Cheryl gasps, the things Toni’s brain had convinced her of broke her heart. Cheryl shifted and moved her hand to Toni’s cheek, cupping it and gently forcing the vulnerable girl to look at her, “Toni sweetheart no, that’s not true, none of that is your fault, none of it okay? The things you’ve been through, they are horrible and heartbreaking and I’m so sorry you went through them, but they are not your fault, you have to believe me.” </p><p>“But what if, what if they are true Cher? What if I’m not enough, what if I’m not enough to get out of here, what if I’m not enough to make something of myself, what if I’m not enough for you? You deserve so much more than some Southside scum, you deserve everything, you should be with some Northside girl who can take you to fancy places and spoil you and-“ </p><p>Cheryl sat up, cutting Toni off abruptly, “Toni, I need you to listen to me very carefully okay? None of that is true, you are more than enough for me, you’re the light of my life, you mean everything to me, and I feel lucky to be yours.” Cheryl was astounded at how this girl that she held so dear, who was her whole world, could possibly think like this. She lifts her hand to run her fingers through Toni’s hair, trying to soothe her as best she could. “Toni, your past, the things you’ve been through, they’re horrible, heartbreaking things, but none of them were your fault, okay? Your parents had a problem and they didn’t or couldn’t fix it and that’s on them, that’s not on you. Your Uncle, his views and his actions were horrid, but that’s on him and his inability to step away from alcohol, that’s not on you. FP choosing Jug to be King, that was him choosing his direct family, over the Serpents direct family and that’s not on you. Jug kicking you out the Serpents, that’s his poor leadership and that’s on him, and” Cheryl exhales,” it was also due to something I did and that’s on me. But TT none of it is your fault. You have to believe me.”</p><p>Toni sniffles and looks up at Cheryl, tears brown eyes meeting with ones filled with concern, “ I want to believe you, I just, it’s so hard, when my thoughts say all those things and it’s like everything just keeps proving them.” </p><p>“Toni,” Cheryls hand moves from where it’d been combing through Toni’s hair to cup her cheek, her thumb running over skin damp from tears, “I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you understand that those things aren’t true, the things your brain is telling you is wrong, you are enough, you always have been, you have just been exposed to many terrible situations that you should have never had to go through. And you are not, and have never been Southside Scum. You are kind, and smart, you’re one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met, you’re loyal and loving, you’re so funny and you know no one makes people laugh like you do.” </p><p>Toni looks away, finding it hard to believe she could be any of those things, “I am?” 
Cheryl once again guides Toni to look at her, “you absolutely are, you deserve the world my love, it is the world that is not enough for you. You’re going to get out of here, and you’re going to do amazing things, and I’ll be by your side cheering you on and having your back through all of it. Okay?” Toni searches Cheryls eyes for even a hint of untruth in them, desperately wanting to believe what her girlfriend was telling her. She took in a deep breath, exhaling shakily, “I- okay,” Toni nods, trying to get her brain to hold onto Cheryls words, maybe the thoughts in her mind weren’t true, maybe she wasn’t going to be the product of her past, maybe she was going to do good things, maybe- maybe she was enough, at least if Cheryl believed it maybe she could too. </p><p>Cheryl used her thumb to wipe away the few tears still silently escaping Toni’s eyes, she pulled the smaller girl into her chest, leaning back against the lockers behind her and wrapping her arms tightly around the smaller girl. “I know it can be hard when your brain is using everything against you, and I know you had to grow up fighting your battles alone, but you don’t have to do that anymore my love, I’m here now, you’ll never have to fight alone again okay?” Toni looks up towards Cheryl, her eyes filled with love for this girl. She’d just opened up about her deepest fears and truths, but Cheryl hadn’t run, she hadn’t left her like everyone else, she’d chosen to stay, to support her and help her through. “Thank you Cher,” Toni’s voice was barely above a whisper, tiredness seeping in after everything she’d been through. “Of course my love, you don’t need to thank me, how many times have you helped me through, a relationship is a partnership Toni, and that means I’m always here for you. I know what it’s like to feel alone, to feel like you don’t have anyone in your corner, but we’re not alone anymore, we have each other.” </p><p>“I love you Cher.” Cheryl could feel Toni’s weight slowly sinking into her, the exhaustion clearly taking over her, “I love you too sweetheart, now what do you say about getting off this cold floor and heading home for a cozy evening?” 
“But what about class, what about Vixens practice?” Cheryl smiles, “Vixens is taken care of and I have no desperate need to be in any of my classes for the rest of the day, besides TT, you and what you need is what’s most important.” Toni nodded, being cuddled up with Cheryl was something she desperately needed, “can we cuddle?” </p><p>“Of course my love, now come on, up you get, let’s get out of here.” Toni climbed off Cheryls lap as Cheryl stood, grabbed both their bags and held out her hand for Toni to take. Feeling a small hand slip into her own, Cheryl placed a gentle kiss on Toni’s forehead, “and for the record TT, I know sometimes things like this just wash over us, but whenever that happens, you can always come to me okay?” Feeling Toni nod, Cheryl stepped away and headed out the door, leading Toni towards her car. </p><p>They headed home, and spent the night with Toni wrapped up in Cheryls arms feeling safe and comforted. As they laid in bed that night Cheryl vowed to herself that she would do everything she could to show Toni how cared for she was. That in those moments of insecurity and anxiety Cheryl would be there, ready to comfort her and help her fight her demons, Cheryl placed a gentle kiss on Toni’s forehead, tightening her arms that were wrapped securely around the sleeping girl, “you’re not alone anymore TT, and you never will be again.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You made it through! I hope you enjoyed, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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